To be anxious or to be self-pitying?

Mind: I’m full of thoughts.

Me: I know.

Mind: I can’t breathe.

Me: I know.

Mind: I don’t know what to do.

Me: Me either.

Mind: Can we just sit here until it dies down?

Me: Shouldn’t we write, that usually helps.

Mind: I have too many things I want to say, if I forget to write them, I’ll be annoyed and anyway I don’t have the energy.

Me: *sigh*

Mind: I just wish I could shut down sometimes.

Me: Me and you both.

My mind is full of thoughts of thoughts of thoughts. I literally feel like a mind-map gone wrong (you know the kinds that are just full of squiggles?!) I can’t seem to place anything anywhere and it’s just completely stressing me out.

I know my time of the month doesn’t help AT ALL!!! I can literally feel all of my hormones zinging about all over the place in my brain. Then to be told that I’m sitting here in my self-pity, just makes me feel even worse. Why can’t I just take a week off without feeling guilty about it? Why must me saying I feel sad and sitting in that space for a while, mean that I have self-pity? Why do others make you feel so bad for taking a moment to just take note of feeling simply like crap? I just feel that we’re constantly having to do something to keep us from feeling negative feelings. That to feel negative is a negative in itself. I get that no one really wants to be around a miserable or sad person but who can really say that they are happy 100% of the time or that they are comfortable having to portray that happiness???!

Recently, I’ve been more aware of how much we live in a culture of “me”. It’s literally me me me everywhere. Everyone is so concerned with themselves: I feel, I think, I want. We are so self-obsessed as a western culture and I’m not sure that’s a good or bad thing. I mean in terms of being self-aware, it is but when we become so fixated on ourselves then it can be disastrous. I say that to say that I’m beginning to wonder that if I had more important things to focus on, other people say, would I be so focused on my own anxiety and what I’m feeling or not? But then, if I was to focus on something else, would that mean that I am suppressing my anxiety for it to just build up and get worse?

See, these are the thoughts that I just find so overwhelming and how does one switch off ?!? I just need to stop thinking but that seems virtually impossible. It’s the overwhelming nature of it I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how much I distract myself with movies, my favourite TV shows or writing (writing is sooo difficult in this mode honestly!) It’s constantly there like an annoying kid wanting attention…GO AWAY!